Saturday, November 29, 2008

Watchmen movie - Zack Snyder - Alan Moore - 2009 March

Finally Alan Moore's Watchmen (graphic novel) has its movie adaptation directed by the 300 famed Zack Snyder! The movie is scheduled for release March 2009 and honestly I'm dying to watch it!

For those who are thinking what the fuss is all about - Watchmen is supposed to be the grandmother of all seriously kickass graphic novels out there written by Alan Moore (more of his works - In the Hell, Prometheus, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen etc). Alan Moore though didn't seem to be too happy towards the Watchmen movie adaptation and has apparently requested to be discredited. According to him Watchmen book / graphic novel is supposed to be read sitting by a fireplace while sipping hot choco. But hey, I think he hasn't seen Zack Snyder's 300 so far so he doesn't really know that Watchmen is in good hands!

To really understand how good it is - take Darknight movie and multiply it by itself three times then add 3 of the best movies you ever watched to it, Watchmen graphic novel (by Alan Moore) is that good! Yeah, a bit of exaggeration there but trust me it IS the real stuff and if you are into some serious reading and you haven't read Watchmen then you better stop claiming being into any serious reading. So you can see how exciting it would be to watch a really well done movie based on such an Epic!



The budget for the movie seems to be over 120 million! Hey, I'm totally for taking all those millions of dollars and feeding starving families in Africa but for Watchmen its totally worth it! Here's some wiki on the cast of the movie -




Starring Patrick Wilson
Jackie Earle Haley
Malin Akerman
Billy Crudup
Matthew Goode
Jeffrey Dean Morgan






Looking at the trailor I've a feeling that Zack Snyder did a good job and we won't be disappointed!

Madonna Like A Virgin meaning lyrics

This is a tribute to Reservoir Dogs, one of the coolest movies ever! And well, we all know that "Like a Virgin" is among Madonna's top 10 songs ever! Here goes the real meaning (edited a bit to keep it PG13 ;P but all credit goes to Reservoir Dogs) -

MR. PINK - Let me tell you what "Like A Virgin" is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big d--k. The entire song is a metaphor for big d--ks.

MR. BLUE - No, it ain't. It's about a girl who's very vulnerable. She's been f--ked over a few times and she meets a guy who's sensitive.

MR. PINK - Whoa. Timeout. Tell that bullshit to the tourists. "Like A Virgin" is not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fellow. Let me tell you what "Like A Virgin" is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular f--k machine. I'm talkin' morning, day, night, afternoon... d--k, d--k, d--k, d--k, d--k, d--k, d--k, d--k, d--k! Then one day, she meets this John Holmes m-therf--ker. It's like, "Whoa, baby." He's like Charles Bronson in "The Great Escape." He's diggin' tunnels. Now she's gettin' serious d--k action. She's feelin' somethin' she ain't felt since forever: pain, pain. It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her. Her pu-sy should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when this cat f--ks her, it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see, the pain is reminding a f--k machine...what it was once like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like A Virgin."

Still confused what Like a Virgin really means? Here's a snippet from lyrics to help you out (focus on the bolded parts please and be ready for a surprise :P) -


Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Cant you hear my heart beat
For the very first time?


So what do we have - "ooh, ooh, Feels so good inside; Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Ooh, baby" ..... whatever that means ;)



For anyone interested in looking at the complete Like a Virgin lyrics, here you go -

I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you

I was beat incomplete
Id been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new

Chorus:

Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats (after first time, with your heartbeat)
Next to mine

Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
Cause only love can last

Youre so fine and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold

(chorus)

Oooh, oooh, oooh

Youre so fine and you're mine
Ill be yours till the end of time
Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Ive nothing to hide

(chorus)

Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Cant you hear my heart beat
For the very first time?




Troy (2004) - Achilles - Gods Envy Us

"The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed."
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The characters of Achilles and Hector as depicted in the movie Troy - down to earth, realiastic and turned out to be substantially better then the demi-god like ones in Illiad. It made the real story or plot of the movie much more relevant and the movie didn't get lost in the myriad of special effect laiden ones. Probably that was the very reason that Wolfgang Petersen or David Benioff took the non-supernatural approach. The dialogue quoted above was particularly impressive and I guess its pretty much the heart of the movie and thats what this blog is about (more focused Troy review probably later).

"Gods Envy Us" - So, who would want to be such a creature??!! Omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient, omnivorous....no not omnivorous for sure (couldn't resist that one!). So who would want to be someone like that - perfect, everything within reach, no problems, no issues in life, everything satisfactory and peaceful, in complete bliss, nothing to do, nothing to hope for.

Rather, its the feeling of having and overcoming problems, having to work for things that we want to have and reaching some state of satisfaction and not staying there that makes life interesting.......because we are doomed, trying to live each moment as it were our last, living each moment fully makes much more sense....true....

---------------------------------------

"The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."


"Messenger Boy: The Thesselonian you're fighting... he's the biggest man i've ever seen. I wouldn't want to fight him.

Achilles: Thats why no-one will remember your name. "

"Achilles: Never hesitate. "


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Zack Snyder's 300 movie parody script

Ok, Now don't get me wrong, I loved the Zack Snyder's 300 movie .I also read Frank Miller's 300 graphic novel and liked it a lot .....That said, there ARE quite a few major inconsistencies..... that pretty much resulted in the below parody! If you could notice the hyper-idealistic nature of Spartans then this blog will make sense, if you are a die hard 300 fan then please don't piss off.....all comments are welcome....Enjoy.....
=======================================================

SPARTA


Old creepy guy checking an infant

Dilios Voice: Check out how we throw newborn babies in that huge pile of bones!

AUDIENCE: You spartan sickos....

CUT TO LEONIDAS BEDROOM

Leonidas touching the Queen

Queen Gorgo: You gonna do that all night?

Leonidas: I fucked up bigtime today....now Xerces's gonna come and kill us all......what do I do?

Queen Gorgo: Uh ok....don't think what a king should do .....think what a MAN should do in this situation?

Leonidas: What a MAN should do....hmm....oh you naughty girl, I know what you mean!!....lets try some new positions today.....

HOT STEAMY SEX SCENE BEGINS....

CUT TO LEONIDAS APPROACHING 300 MEN

Captain: As you ordered sire, 300 of coolest ABS in Sparta......

Leonidas: He's your son....he hasn't even got laid yet ....

Captain: Its cool sire.....for the big war, we need some cute juvenile kids too ...

Leonidas: You are a dumb captain, but a dumber father, there is none!!

Astinos: (oh crap, seems I'm not gonna laid ever....)

COUNCILORS APPROACH...

Councilor: My good king, the stripper at priest's has spoken!! There should be no march...

Leonidas: But I'm just going for a morning walk with 300 of our best soldiers......

Councilor: What do we do?

Leonidas: Sparta will need sons.....go fuck your wives......

QUEEN GORGO's GOODBYE....

Queen Gorgo: Spartan, come back with your shield, or on it!

Leonidas (confused): So you don't care whether I live or die??

Queen Gorgo: Oh wait, thats not what I meant.....anyways, take this weird looking necklace with you....but if something goes wrong, remember to send it back....

MEETING WITH DAXOS....

Daxos: Shit Leonidas, you brought only a handful soldiers?

Leonidas: You there, what is your profession?

Arkadian soldier: I'm a potter, sir.

Leonidas: Spartans, what is your profession?

Spartans: HAOOOOOOOO.....HAOOOOOOOOO.....HAOOOOOO

Daxos: (What the fuck does HAOOOOOOO mean you dickheads......but whatever!!)

CUT TO PERSIAN CAMP VIEW...

Daxos: Oh fuck, there are still so many Persians.....we're gonna die....we're all gonna die.....what are you so happy about Stelios

Stelios: Arkadian! I've fought countless battles in the hope that someone will kill me.....so far I'm somehow alive.....I'm getting more and more suicidal.....I soooo hope someone will kill me now....

Daxos: (Goddamit, why do I have to put up with these psychos with unhappy marriages....)

CUT TO PERSIAN EMISSARY's ARRIVAL.....

Stelios: Say, I got a neat idea! What if we use the dead humans as cement for our walls?


CUT TO DIALOGUE WITH EPHIALTES

Ephialtes: Sire there is goatpath behind the mountains which persians can use to flank you.

Leonidas: Yeah whatever, who are you anyways?

Ephialtes: I'm Ephialtes, sire. I want to contribute to the fight sire.

Leonidas: Sorry man, you can't even lift your shield!!

Ephialtes: But Sire I do want to fight for Sparta and do what I can! Just give me a chance! Further I'm the ONLY guy who can get you all killed by telling Xerces about the goatpath! You could probably just let me stand in the back or something so that I don't disrupt your formation, so just give me a fair chance to fight for Sparta! Thats all I ask!

Leonidas: Look, I just really don't like your face......

Ephialtes: But sire...

Leonidas: Just fuckoff you ugly assface.....

Leonidas: (to Captain) I hope no one tells Xerces about the goatpath!


CUT TO THE FIGHTING..

Persian General: Spartans, lay down your weapons....

(someone throws a spear from like 3 miles away)

Persian General: Oh fuck, I didn't ask you to lay down your weapons on me goddamit....

==================================
XERCES APPROACHES....

Leonidas: Whats up with the outfit dude??

Xerces: Sorry man, I forgot my wardrobe at home so just wearing this golden chains stuff for now.....its not too bad tho as these Hot Gates are so warm anyways so I don't get all sweaty and stuff.....

Leonidas: Yeah I know what you mean, I started going out to fight in panties because of the same reason.....too hot, these Hot Gates....

Xerces: I see.....so anyways listen, I came by to tell you that I wanna stop the fight and make you the king of all greeks....whatcha think?

Leonidas: Not interested yo....

Xerces: Common man....I'm gonna make you the king of all greece, we gonna share our culture and shit too.

Leonidas: But you guys don't know how to fight bro!

Xerces: Dude thats sooo not cool!! Listen to what I'm saying - This way no one else will have to die, you will be the king of all greece, your country will prosper and everyone will be happy....no more wars....no more killing....

Leonidas: Hey I'd rather get all my people killed and city burned than living in peace and shit......This is spartasss code....

Xerces: Common dude, just use your reason for once for God's sake.....just kneel and I'll go back home right now.....

Leonidas: Can't do...I've a cramp in my leg bro.....

Xerces: Dude, I got divine powers

Leonidas: Oh yeah? Back home we have our own divine priests who also let me watch really hot striptease, now beat that......

Xerces: Man you are so dead.....

Leonidas: Yeah..whatever.....okay, later...
===========================================

CUT TO HOT GATES

Stelios: You fought well today.

Astinos: Oh gee, thanks. You were pretty good too....

Stelios: So you wanna go out sometime?

Astinos: Yeah, it sucks. Sure we can hangout.....

Stelios: Okay, its a date.

SPARTASS HUNTING ADVENTURES

Astinos hunts a runaway dynasaur while other spartans sit back and watch the show....Persians are grateful as the dyno had killed many of their soldiers.

Spartans also hunt some mammoths but they all fall down the cliff so spartans don't get to keep them....

ASTINOS AND STELIOS FIGHT HUNDREDS OF PERSIANS

Stelios: So where do you wanna go for the date?

Astinos: Not now you dick, I'm a bit busy slaughtering the persians.

Stelios: Sorry man, didn't mean to disturb ya....

Captain: Astinos!!! Stop fighting and Look at me my son!

Astinos turns around and gets decapitated by Persian cavalry...

Captain: Shit!

CUT TO EPHIALTES IN XERCES TENT

Xerces: I'll give ya shitloads of sex & money....watcha think?

Ephialtes: Oh christ, I never saw so many naked chicks......You are soooooo my God.....

Xerces: So where is that goat path then?

Ephialtes: Wait wait.....I also want a UNIFORM that fits my hunchback.....I don't wanna hobble around in these Spartan panties anymore...

Xerces: Done.


CUT TO SPARTA

Theron: Beautiful night!

Queen Gorgo: Yeah, wanna drink some water together?

Theron: Sure, sounds like fun. So whats up?

Queen Gorgo: I need your help in the council meeting thingee tomorrow so that we can send our army to fight persians.

Theron: So you want the rest of the army killed too instead of going for a truce and saving all the life and improving international relations? I'm not so sure!

Queen Gorgo: Ok lets do this, you speak for me in the council and we have sex?

Theron: Done !

CUT TO HOT GATES

Daxos: Leonidas! We are doomed...the hunchback told Xerces about the goatpath.....this battle is over Leonidas, this battle is over!

Leonidas: This battle is not over till I say it is over.

Daxos: Dude, you don't have a "say" in it at this point....by dawn Immortals will surround us!

Leonidas: You gotta search your soul bro!

Daxos: What the fuck!!

Leonidas: Go ask your men too to search their souls.

Daxos: You go search your soul, my men will leave with me. (leaves)

Leonidas (to spartans): Children! Children!

Spartans: No way, you are not our dad! Are you?

Leonidas: May be to some of you but thats not what I meant. I was just trying to create an emotional connection with you so that you can get killed with me tomorrow.

Spartans: HAOOOOO.....HAOOOOOO

Captain: I brought my juvenile son in the battle and later got him decapitated by distracting him in the middle of the fight. I'm so mad at myself.....I'm a bad father.

Leonidas: Told you so...

Leonidas: Dilios man, I'm gonna have to ask you to go back to Sparta....I gotta send this weird necklace back to my wife.

Dilios: But sire, the Arkadians are already going back, you can deliver it through them?

Leonidas: Dude don't wreck my brains, just deliver this necklace, okay?

Leonidas: (to Spartans) Spartans, we'll probably be starving in hell for a long time so eat all you can......lets not waste any food.

Spartans: HAOOOOOOOO.....HAOOOOOOOOO

SPARTA - COUNCIL MEETING THINGEE

Queen Gorgo: Councilmen, lets save the 300 guys with coolest ABS in Sparta...

Theron: Hey, I'd rather negotiate a truce and save Sparta than get even more people killed....

Queen Gorgo: You asshole ...you know what, I faked it last night! .....(she stabinates)

(Lots of persian coins fall down and Council members jump on the ground trying to pick the gold coins up before others do)

Theron: Oh crap, shouldn't have brought all the persian money over here....I'm soooo dead now!

CUT TO HOT GATES

Persian General: Leonidas, look our King still wants to make you an ally

Ephialtes: Yo Leonidas, check out my new uniform that King Xerces got made for me!! You and all your men can also have this instead of the panties.....I beg you....

Persian General: See! You fight for your lands, you will have them. You fight for Sparta, she will be wealthier then ever. You will be the king of whole greece answerable only to Xerces who will be sitting on his ass in Persia most of the time anyways. Your victory will be complete. And between me and you, you will have another shot at Xerces if you live now!! Sounds good?

Leonidas: You there Ephialtes, may you live forever so that you realize that Spartan panties are the best.

Ephialtes realizes that Spartan panties are the best and weeps in shame....

Leonidas: Stelios!!!

Leonidas throws the spear and misses......

Captain: This whole plan was soooo really really dumb and now Leonidas fucked up bigtime with the spear!!

Stelios: My king, how could you miss after all we did for you?? aaaahh ...Why did you HAVE TO aim at his fucking lips....Ain't his torso a better bigger target from such a distance???

Xerces: So I finally kicked Spartass.....now I'm gonna sit back on my ass for one full year and enjoy the scenery before attacking again.....

AFTER ONE YEAR

Dilios: Yo guys, the good persians gave us one full year for preparations and now we have assembled 40,000 greeks, we gonna kick persian's ass!!

Xerces: (Owww fuck! Shouldn't have sat on my ass for a whole more year like this......bad strategy...but I still love those ABS)

.............

Copyrighted material. May produce verbatim with author's permission!

Monday, November 24, 2008

4 Bizarre Kung Fu Panda movie plot holes comments

Honestly now, some parts of the plot really struck me as beyond any level of dumbness even for a cartoon movie!

(By the way, this is just for fun....I am also writing a more serious version in which I note some deep philosophical insights into Kungfu Panda movie....check it out here - Kungfu Panda movie hidden meaning, insights and aha moments)

Below are a few of the worst ones starting from least to most-


4) Why doesn't Shifu read the dragon scroll himself -
Ok, now Tai Lung is on his way to the temple and the Turtle guy has declared that Dragon Warrior is needed. Now thinking logically - since Tai Lung might arrive pretty soon, the best thing to do is to get the best available fighter (Shifu) to read the Dragon Scroll and be done with it! I mean, what is the point of trying to find and train someone who is second rated to begin with! But no, the good old fa-t Turtle guy will not do that! He'll pick up some useless panda and get Shifu, his students and villagers almost killed by Tai Lung in the process!


3) Why didn't Shifu teach the "nerve attack" to his students - Can anyone guess what the good students would be thinking after Tai Lung totally disabled them after his "He taught you well, but he didn't teach you everything"? Let me tell you - "Shifu you bastard, if you had taught us that nerve 'fu-king' attack move we'd have won already!". I mean why the heck Shifu wouldn't teach his students a crucial move that could mean the difference between life and death against an opponent as Tai Lung!

2) Why doesn't Shifu care about his students -
So he discovers that his students are missing, and what does he do? He takes the Panda to picnic! I mean wtf, shouldn't he be all worried that all of them are suddenly missing? Or did the students have the bad habit of occasionally disappearing from the school so this was nothing new? On a serious note though, what if they were abducted or got hurt or were in need of help because of some catastrophe? They might as well be lying in pain, waiting for their master to come rescue; but no, the good master is busy playing "who gets to eat the dumpling" with Panda!


1) Why don't Shifu and his students gang up on Tai Lung -
Now this is a big one! Why the hell Shifu stay alone to fight Tai Lung? We know that his 5 students had already almost won against Tai Lung and the reason they lost was not the technique but a badly coordinated fight. We also know that Shifu can hold his own against Tai Lung for a while. Add Panda to it, who has been trained to Shifu's satisfaction! So if they just team up and attack Tai Lung together, they have some reasonable chance of winning, don't they! You might be thinking that who will save the poor villagers but here we are talking about Tai Lung remember? No matter how fast villagers run away, he can totally kill them after finishing off Shifu! Also, since the Dragon fu-king Scroll is missing, he most probably go after villagers trying to find it! So isn't it more logical to instead of facilitating villager's escape, just team up and plan a formidable tactical attack against Tai Lung together?


TGIF - hidden meaning

I know what y'll thinking - yeah, we know TGIF means "Thank God its Friday" so whats this post about! But well, the reality is that the term originally meant something quite different that might disgust and awe you at the same time! Yeah, the hidden meaning is - "Thank God I can F--k"....surprised? Yeah well, the world is full of surprises, ain't it! Don't believe me? Well you better do unless you are the nerd who is planning to watch Star Wars for the 19th time this coming friday too......heyyyyyyy stop crying will you?