Sunday, July 5, 2009

Transformers Revenge Fallen's weird plot

So, I finally watched Transformers II aka Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and honestly, I had no idea just what the f--k was going on. I mean Transformers-I was basically about some bad robots that wanted to destroy earth with some All Spark thingy and some good robots that wanted to help humans; and Megan Fox was totally hot!.

But in Transformers-II (Revenge of the fallen), the All Spark thingy is now about some Chinese map to some machine that ancient autobots had built in pyramids to harness Sun's power that somehow got imprinted in Shia LaBeouf's brain and Decepticons climb Empire State or something. Megan Fox was still totally hot though, glad they still got that right!

Decepticons - What's the big deal?

First of all, whats so threatening about Decepticons anyway! Didn't we figure out in the last
movie that Autobots can be easily killed by Sabot rounds and now we have the granddaddy of those called RailGuns? Just RailGun the f-ckers whenever they try to pull a KingKong on any building! There are barely a dozen of them Decepticons left anyway! So, whats the problem here??

Optimus Prime - Traitor to his own race?

I feel for the bad guys here because it seems that all that Fallen want is to rebuild their planet by harvesting the sun; while the "good" autobots - Optimus Prime and friends - don't seem to want to rebuild their own goddamn race!! Now I'm not an expert on Autobot society but if human race was dying and the only way to save us was by fighting some robots, then I don't know if I'd let my own race to die to save a bunch of robots! Heck, I'd be a hero if I saved Earth by destroying a bunch of robots! Optimus Prime and gang, on the other hand, seem to be bent upon saving humans and killing their own planet! Well good for us but why don't they take that pyramid machinery and harvest any of the zillions of stars out there? Or is our sun the ONLY star in the universe? I don't know.

Why don't human use Railguns much?

It took just one hit by the RailGun to instantly tear one huge Decepticon into three pieces. Railgun seems like a very potent weapon so what's the holdup? Tangentially, the guy in charge of the RailGuns is willing to take orders from someone who no longer works for USA Govt! Think about it, ANYONE can phone in, tell them they are director of whatever and get the RailGun-ners to target wherever they want! You don't like your boss, your boyfriend is cheating on you, some nearby buildings cast shadow on your pool? No problem, USA govt provides free RailGun service just a phone call away!

Sam Witwicky's questionable sexual orientation?

I mean what is LaBeouf's role in Transformers? Witwicky - the guy always at the wrong place at the wrong time? I like Mikaela Banes, not just because she's so d-mn HOTTT, but also because she actually takes initiative and supports her boyfriend and what not. The LaBeouf guy is simply useless. He doesn't want to help his friends, almost cheats on his girlfriend, refuses to help Optimus Prime and then when sh-t hits the fan he runs around and dies and the ancient Prime bots have to revive him! He could've very well be on Decepticon's side for all that he did in this movie! And aside from that, Witwicky's sexual orientation is questionable throughout the movie! Let me ask you - What will you do if Megan Fox was standing in front of you begging for your love? I don't know what you'll do but I'm gonna do her, that's what I'm gonna do man. But Witwicky is the only living human male on the face of the Earth that start worrying about f-cking Autobots and cars and sh-t whenever Megan Fox starts getting all cosy and romantic with him! I mean, this is Megan-how-can-she-be-so-hot-Fox we are talking about! Autobots would be the last thing on my and any straight
man's and not-straight gal's minds on the planet if any of us gets to get cosy with Ms. Fox! But Scientists are still trying understand why Witwicky is scared of saying "Yes, I love you too Megan Fox". He doesn't seem to be into guys either so what's the deal? Is Witwicky into autobots? I don't even know if it's considered besti-lity or what but hey, I'm not gonna judge it, if it turns out that Witwicky's is cheating on Megan Fox and Optimus Prime by secretly dating his own car, it's his business!

Transformers vs Underworld vs Terminator

By the way, the overall story had some interesting parallels with the Underworld movies this
time -
1) Ancient autobots / Ancient vampires
2) Fallen vs Prime / Werewolves vs Vampires
3) Ancient Fallen too strong for good guys / Ancient Vampires too strong for everyone
4) Prime wins after taking Decepticon's parts / Good guys win after receiving opponent's blood (both Underworld movies pretty much)

Another interesting thing that I noticed is that the new autobots are very similar to the Terminator robots! We already had Megatron in Terminator, now we have those bike-bots in Transformers! With all that exchange taking place, all I want is to replace Shia-lame-LaBeouf with my man John Connor aka Batman aka Christian Bale aka American Psycho and then my life would be complete! Give Connor and Ms. Fox a couple of railguns and send them to fight Fallen and gang and then we'll be talking about some really serious sh-t.

How do the good guys win?

Another interesting thing is that the good guys in this movie win purely by chance - both humans and autobots had proved to be completely inept at every stage. Couldn't guard Megatron, couldn't guard All Spark, couldn't (even) stay ally, Optimus Prime couldn't do sh-t even after being revived by Witwicky etc etc...If not for the Decepticon traitor Jetfire, Earth would've
been totally destroyed
! This is in sharp contrast to Transformers-I where Witwicky himself kills Megatron with All Spark and pretty much wins the war all by his ingenuity! But in Revenge of the Fallen, they just got lucky! It's as if the "revenge" is actually JetFire's revenge against his own race!

That reminds me that I'll go see this movie one more time in iMax to see more of Ms. Megan-how-can-she-be-so-hot-Fox and some robot fighting and stuff on a bigger screen. That's what this movie is all about anyway, ain't it? ;)


Saturday, July 4, 2009

Aliens movie plot analysis and alternate plot ideas!

My apologies dear readers for being away for the last few months. Things have been hectic but also this year I haven't seen too many interesting movies so far. This is surprising because we were expecting two the biggest movies "of all times" - Watchmen and Wolverine's origins - this year, but neither lived to their promise. Anyhow, I am tempted to make a few comments on Aliens and as much as I love Ripley's character and Alien I & II as cinematic masterpieces, I do see atleast one major plot hole that no one else seems to have pointed out anywhere (to my knowledge) and that completely negates all the great things that Alien has....

First the one very interesting thing though - Do you see the trend in the time travel movies where some dude goes back in time to stop something from happening but turns out it happened only because he went back to stop it from happening. This is how Ripley causes Aliens too, minus time travel. The poor girl had intended to tell them to stay the f*ck off that place and they decide to send a freaking family in there giving the Aliens a chance to plant eggs in humans! So, as in all those time travel movies, she herself causes the whole thing, in a way!

So that's that! Now back to the "negatives". First of all I side with those big corporations and against Ripley in that there is no reason to exterminate the Aliens! Afterall, it's a new species and God knows what medicines and sh*t the scientists might be able to make by studying them. I mean humans would still be living in caves if they just "exterminated" anything they didn't understand. Also, those big corps dudes are not completely bonkers, they know that something is up and ask the people on the moon to investigate that place. That's what any reasonable manager would do in this case...unfortunately 100s of scientists go missing because of this!

But well what can you do, shit happens and when it happens it has to be cleaned up! And they try to clean it up by sending a bunch of marines headed by some rookie lieutenant on his 2nd mission! Why, for f*cks sake? I would not even go into why the team is headed by some inexperienced rookie who might end up getting everyone killed (and that's what actually happens). My biggest problem is - WHY do they send humans at all?? These guys have the technology to build f*cking ANDROIDS. Why not send one down to recon before sending humans! It's no longer a casual mission, a little while ago your 42 millions worth ship was destroyed, a bunch of people on it died, the sole survivor blames that planet for it and now more than 100 people have supposedly gone missing AFTER you asked them to investigate that same problem area. Doesn't something smell fishy here? Fishy enough to avoid putting any more humans on the line? Heck they use unmanned recon planes and vehicles with mounted cameras and sh*t even now in 21th century and this whole alien sh*t happens God knows how far in future. May be they have some union issues in future with commando's union threatening to sue the company if androids were preferred over humans for such dangerous missions. I don't know.

Oh wait, they do bring an android called Bishop along but it seems he is there just to do some science stuff while human soldiers die fighting the bugs! Probably lab assistants hadn't formed an anti-android union yet! Whatever was going on in this future world, my whole movie experience was ruined because this very thought cropped in my mind every time suspense built up with the aliens attacking our guys and what not! Specially, after seeing Bishop doing the knife-and-fingers thing on private Hudson in the beginning I was almost hoping to see him go Riddick on all bugs, preferebly with just a scalpel (if you are completely lost - Riddick kills alien raptors with his shaving blade or something in Pitch Black)!

Speaking of using androids for such dangerous missions, why not replace the innards of androids with some strong metal or something and make our own TERMINATORS out of them! Hell, then you could have gotten Arnold Schwarzenegger to play Bishop and here we go - Terminator vs Alien! T-800 verses Alien queen, how's that for a sequel Cameron?? Throw Michael Biehn in there too and you got Kyle Reese and Terminator fighting side by side! Take that you f*cker Alien bug queen!

That version would have answered questions like - Will Alien's blood-acid work on Terminator's super alloy? Will Alien queen try to plant her embroyo inside Terminator? What would the alien baby be like if it were born from Terminator? Well unfortunately, all these questions will remain unanswered because humans (Cameron) decided to use TERMINATORS AS LAB ASSISTANTS sending off Ripley to fight the Alien queen from inside the APU's that they later used in Matrix Revolutions to fight robot flying octopus too. The only difference being, Captain Mifune couldn't do sh*t against robots even with all the guns while my girl Ripley beat the cr*p out of the Alien m*th*rf*cking Queen good old Rocky style! Ripley is one hell of a tough woman for sure, she is Die Hard like John McClane, maternal like Sarah Connor and can punch like a f*cking Rocky Balboa while sitting inside a god*amn cargo-loader! I love you Ripley, if you are reading this, will you marry me? We can even go on our honeymoon on LV-426 since I know you just can't stay away from the god*amn aliens. Hell, we'll buy a house there and go alien hunting every saturday night. Waiting for your answer...


Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I'm like a bird lyrics & meaning - Nelly Furtardo's break up

Movie music review Nelly Furtardo Im like a bird meaning interpretationNelly Furtardo happens to be one of the few singers who can really come up with a lyrics that actually means something! And by "means something" I'm not referring to "Madonna's Like a Prayer" mean something or worse "Madonna's Like a Virgin" mean something! Nelly's songs actually carry some serious meanings and substantial depth; my top favorite is "All Good Things"!

This "I'm like a bird" is again one of the best songs ever and actually I should be writing about how deep and philosophical the lyrics are.....But please forgive me God (and Nelly), just couldn't resist this.....

(Nelly is breaking up with her ugly boyfriend)

You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade

Seems the guy is incredibly ugly. Thats the reason Nelly says "that's for sure"!

You're lovely but it's not for sureMovie music review Nelly Furtardo Im like a bird meaning interpretation
That I won't ever change

Typical break-up routine. Rephrased - "It's really not your fault, it's just me!"

And though my love is rare
Though my love is true
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, (soul is)
I don't know where my home is

These are the "ouch that hurt" variety - "Although my love is totally true and rare but sorry dude it's not for you. With you, I just want some light no-commitment stuff till I find someone I really like"

Have you seen those craigslist ads where people start with "Looking for an NSA relationship, no commitments, FWB..." - These above lines seem to be going straight down that road!

Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don't know me that well

She obviously means to say - "You are really making it more painful than it has to be. Haven't you learned anything at all about me in all the time we spent together?"

It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me, me, me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away

More detailed stuff here -

Nelly's BF - Please don't go. Please don't go. I'm gonna die.
Nelly -
It's not like I want to leave you forever, we can still keep some NSA stuff going.
Nelly's BF - But I love you! I love you so much, I'll do anything for you, you know!
Nelly - See, this is what I'm talking about! Everytime you do this, you make m
Movie music review Nelly Furtardo Im like a bird meaning interpretatione feel guilty! Shit, should've broken up with you sooner!

And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey, I'm just scared
That we may fall through

This is the crux now, Nelly has finally had enough - "You know what really scares me? It's the thought that at times I was actually considering a committed relationship with you! OMG, what you would have done then if you are so crazy even at this stage! Thank God I decided to break up!"

To find the "hidden meaning" of Madonna's Like a Prayer, click - Madonna's Like A Prayer hidden meaning, interpretation and lyrics

To find the reservoir dog's meaning of Madonna's Like a Virgin, click - Madonna's Like A Virgin hidden meaning, interpretation and lyrics - Reservoir Dogs variety