Saturday, July 4, 2009

Aliens movie plot analysis and alternate plot ideas!

My apologies dear readers for being away for the last few months. Things have been hectic but also this year I haven't seen too many interesting movies so far. This is surprising because we were expecting two the biggest movies "of all times" - Watchmen and Wolverine's origins - this year, but neither lived to their promise. Anyhow, I am tempted to make a few comments on Aliens and as much as I love Ripley's character and Alien I & II as cinematic masterpieces, I do see atleast one major plot hole that no one else seems to have pointed out anywhere (to my knowledge) and that completely negates all the great things that Alien has....

First the one very interesting thing though - Do you see the trend in the time travel movies where some dude goes back in time to stop something from happening but turns out it happened only because he went back to stop it from happening. This is how Ripley causes Aliens too, minus time travel. The poor girl had intended to tell them to stay the f*ck off that place and they decide to send a freaking family in there giving the Aliens a chance to plant eggs in humans! So, as in all those time travel movies, she herself causes the whole thing, in a way!

So that's that! Now back to the "negatives". First of all I side with those big corporations and against Ripley in that there is no reason to exterminate the Aliens! Afterall, it's a new species and God knows what medicines and sh*t the scientists might be able to make by studying them. I mean humans would still be living in caves if they just "exterminated" anything they didn't understand. Also, those big corps dudes are not completely bonkers, they know that something is up and ask the people on the moon to investigate that place. That's what any reasonable manager would do in this case...unfortunately 100s of scientists go missing because of this!

But well what can you do, shit happens and when it happens it has to be cleaned up! And they try to clean it up by sending a bunch of marines headed by some rookie lieutenant on his 2nd mission! Why, for f*cks sake? I would not even go into why the team is headed by some inexperienced rookie who might end up getting everyone killed (and that's what actually happens). My biggest problem is - WHY do they send humans at all?? These guys have the technology to build f*cking ANDROIDS. Why not send one down to recon before sending humans! It's no longer a casual mission, a little while ago your 42 millions worth ship was destroyed, a bunch of people on it died, the sole survivor blames that planet for it and now more than 100 people have supposedly gone missing AFTER you asked them to investigate that same problem area. Doesn't something smell fishy here? Fishy enough to avoid putting any more humans on the line? Heck they use unmanned recon planes and vehicles with mounted cameras and sh*t even now in 21th century and this whole alien sh*t happens God knows how far in future. May be they have some union issues in future with commando's union threatening to sue the company if androids were preferred over humans for such dangerous missions. I don't know.

Oh wait, they do bring an android called Bishop along but it seems he is there just to do some science stuff while human soldiers die fighting the bugs! Probably lab assistants hadn't formed an anti-android union yet! Whatever was going on in this future world, my whole movie experience was ruined because this very thought cropped in my mind every time suspense built up with the aliens attacking our guys and what not! Specially, after seeing Bishop doing the knife-and-fingers thing on private Hudson in the beginning I was almost hoping to see him go Riddick on all bugs, preferebly with just a scalpel (if you are completely lost - Riddick kills alien raptors with his shaving blade or something in Pitch Black)!

Speaking of using androids for such dangerous missions, why not replace the innards of androids with some strong metal or something and make our own TERMINATORS out of them! Hell, then you could have gotten Arnold Schwarzenegger to play Bishop and here we go - Terminator vs Alien! T-800 verses Alien queen, how's that for a sequel Cameron?? Throw Michael Biehn in there too and you got Kyle Reese and Terminator fighting side by side! Take that you f*cker Alien bug queen!

That version would have answered questions like - Will Alien's blood-acid work on Terminator's super alloy? Will Alien queen try to plant her embroyo inside Terminator? What would the alien baby be like if it were born from Terminator? Well unfortunately, all these questions will remain unanswered because humans (Cameron) decided to use TERMINATORS AS LAB ASSISTANTS sending off Ripley to fight the Alien queen from inside the APU's that they later used in Matrix Revolutions to fight robot flying octopus too. The only difference being, Captain Mifune couldn't do sh*t against robots even with all the guns while my girl Ripley beat the cr*p out of the Alien m*th*rf*cking Queen good old Rocky style! Ripley is one hell of a tough woman for sure, she is Die Hard like John McClane, maternal like Sarah Connor and can punch like a f*cking Rocky Balboa while sitting inside a god*amn cargo-loader! I love you Ripley, if you are reading this, will you marry me? We can even go on our honeymoon on LV-426 since I know you just can't stay away from the god*amn aliens. Hell, we'll buy a house there and go alien hunting every saturday night. Waiting for your answer...



  1. It's funny that you draw the Alien/Terminator connection even in jest because I really think there are striking similarities between the movies. Plus if you need to capture Aliens alive, why even take the risk of acid spit... send in T-1000s.

  2. Good point there Axyro! Although you made me think how Alien's acid-blood would react to T-1000 considering T-1000 is really some metal alloy, albeit seemingly liquid (may be composed of zillions nanobots?).

    Robots (800-1000) in general do have considerable an advantage though that Alien can't really bite/claw them if they are strong and heavy enough and they would be safe until Alien spills some blood on them. So, all that needs to be done is really grab an alien and carry it but without wounding it. As you mentioned, T-1000 can do it even more seamlessly because of shape shifting abilities (just wrap itself around the Alien and carry it!) Probably this is how Predators managed it in the Alien vs Predator plotline.